A little anger

Once again I'm dealing with a break-up. OK, it's the same break up I was getting over before, but now it's for real. I got really mad and ended a friendship with an ex-boyfriend. I felt humiliated by this individual in various ways, and finally I got mad instead of depressed.
Now the think is, in many ways, this is a nice and interesting person. And he provided caring along with the not-so-nice things. In no way was this a black and white situation.
But I tended in the past to accept bad treatment as a reflection of myself, of my innate undeservingness. I'm no longer willing to do so. It's an uphill battle, but I am determined. I will like myself and remind myself of my good qualities. And I no longer accept mistreatment.
Things end so better things can begin.
Here is an inspiring blog entry by Therese J. Bochard in her blog Beyond Blue, on the goodness of getting mad - A little anger is good. I'd add that for some of us, a lot of anger is good.

Better than TV

Saw Love in the Time of Cholera last night. It's an odd movie, about a man who falls in love as a teenager but then sleeps with oodles of lovely young women, and not with his love. The look of it is lovely - beautiful shots of South America and period costumes. The story is odd and very long at two plus hours.
But it was excellent to see a movie again. I've been missing going out to movies, and am overcoming my reluctance to watch on DVD. Movies are better than TV in any case. And even middling movies have something to offer - maybe just relaxation and an opportunity to focus on other lives.
I do love movies set in other cultures. Just a glimpse of what it might be like to live elsewhere in another time or circumstance. Letting the 'what if' muscles of the mind work a little.
This one was downloaded for me by a friend. I've joined Zip.ca now though. So soon DVD's should be 'zipping' to my door. For $4.95 a month, how can I go wrong?
See Lazy Man and Money's entertaining post on the American equivalent of Zip, Netflix - Six Months Later.

Getting up to Speed

I've currently got loads of time to 'get up to speed' for a new contract. How best to do this?
Well, I've read through the manuals and read through the project plans from several years ago. Then I dashed out to Indigo to buy a Dummies book on Business Intelligence. I've been reading that, and it's very interesting. It gives a bit of the history of some of the technology I've been encountering. My knowledge of databases, business intelligence and specificially data mining could use an upgrade.
I've also chatted a bit with the co-workers sitting with me, only one of whom is actually on my team. It gives me a bit of an idea of the culture here.
One thing I know - they are not in a hurry. :-)

Mascara or third world aid

Bought some new makeup - tinted moisturizer. At $15 it's a real bargain, compared to $45 for the real deal. I read the other day that if we put the money used in North America that is spent on makeup towards education, we could educate all children in the world to the end of University. Or something like that. Very guilt inducing at any rate.

But it doesn't follow that if I don't buy makeup more children will be educated. Or even if I donate every penny that would go to makeup (not such a lot in my case lol) to some worthy organization, it would make much difference.

So yes, mascara is a frivolous use of funds. But if it helps me feel more confident, if it helps me fit into my society, maybe it's not so frivolous. Would I get work without mascara? Would I get a date? Those are the burning questions my friends...

And regarding ethical spending - it's just too huge for me. I give a bit. Yes I could give more. Should I? Probably. Do I want to? Nope. Well, sorta. It's just too huge for me. Perhaps one percent of my income would be good. If I start earning regularly. Two percent?

Working again

I need to get back into posting. Once I got a full time contract, I stopped writing. Me bad. I'm going to experiment with posting without pics as well - it's easier and maybe will ensure I keep writing here.

Now I have a few weeks off, then two contracts - 3 weeks and 6 months. Lots of money. Not so much time. Always the trade off.

I'm looking into being a more formal business. That means paying for my own benefits and incorporating to get a higher rate. Lots of paperwork....

Small world

I have become addicted to the internet, email and blogs specifically. Who knew there are so many kinds of blogs. Today I discovered some written by Americans who are in the Middle East, one in Iraq and one in Pakistan doing some kind of relief work. So interesting - a window into the real world that is so far away and so different from mine.

A Nepalese / Canadian friend of mine is currently back in Nepal visiting his family. We IM'd each other a couple of nights ago, and I was struck with amazement that I could communicate with someone instantly who is half way around the world. How does that work?? He told me he is playing with children in an orphanage in Katmandu. He took them on a three hour hike up a mountain. It is hot, it is sunny. I told him my feet are freezing and I'm looking at my backyard with tree-branches heavy with snow. Also that I'm worried about my commute to my new job on the sleety highway.

How did the world get this small? Isn't it amazing?

Immersion (blog of relief workers)
Can of Worms (American soldier in Iraq)

Antidote to stress

Well, here are some antidotes to the job hunting stress I talked about in my last post.

Clarity Have a goal and keep that goal in mind. Set backs just bring you closer to your goal. Visualize a winning interview, a happy job situation. Rejection is part of the journey - it's not the end of the story.

Courage Go to the interview with head held high. Smile. Be glad you are there, glad to talk to the interviewers. Be proud. You know you can do this job. Let that confidence shine.

Patience When you don't think the right questions are being asked, be good humoured. You do not know the whole situation, just a small piece. The world is large and every interview doesn't have to be a meeting of the minds. There is room for all opinions. Somewhere, you will meet the right people and find the right work.

Optimism Keep going. Work that is meant for you will appear. Good humour will serve you better than anger and depression. It is a game. Your turn to win will come.

There, that is better isn't it? It is a lot more fun to write in any case. So when I am next on the job hunt, I will refer back to this and see if I can apply it.